Before, I used to think how nice it would b to have someone to love, to miss, to hug, to kiss, to hold hands with, to have a shoulder to lean on, to have someone to care for and I would do anything to have that.

Now, after my first relationship, my perspective changed. There is definitely nothing bad about being single at all. I guess I'm not really suitable to have a partner. I'm just born on the wrong cancer sign saying that I am. Haha. Well apart from really wanting someone to hug and have a shoulder to lean on at times, i guess most of the time it felt good being single. I feel like I could focus more on my own stuff, i needn't have to worry all the time if I dressed right, spoke right, did right because i'll have tons of other stuff to worry about (cz i worry about every single teeny tiny stuff all the time), n i needn't have to bear the knot in my chest when the other person isn't talking to me, i wouldn't abandon my friends (because when I m in love I only have one focus point), I won't yearn to just see the same face every single day n i needn't be so sensitive about every single comment the person said. I know, not everyone face the same problems as me. I guess i'd overcome those someday. Hopefully..

Hopefully, sometime in a distant future, when my thoughts are more mature, and when i'm confident, beautiful and ready, I'll open up again.. LOL.. if not, mom n dad would be upset by the time me n my bro being 30++ and still not having a partner. You say why include my bro? He'll be 19 in december and he has never mention to anyone commenting a girl looks pretty. He'll only say if someone's ugly or 'i dunno, din notice' when u ask if the girl is pretty.. LOL! Don't get surprised.. I guess in runs in our veins.. We have a lot of singles in the family.. Seriously!

bought this pair of heels for rm164, the black one.. first time eh.. oni my puma is around that price.. mom was so shocked when i told her the price that she gasped, n the saleperson laughed.. LOL!! bt she swiped her card in the end.. =X

gonna try my luck this year end in kl.. the heels i initially wanted



guess it'd cost as much.. size 7.. don go ah.. or 8..

Bing Bing seems very xin fu with his gal.. hehe! so happy~~ luckily din follow heart go kl study just because i wanna meet him n the rest of fruity gang.. XD missed the time i stayed up late in meetoto singing for fruity when bing bing asks and following bing bing, mostly i call mooney, around the place just to listen to his voice.. Don't get me wrong.. he don't really sing well, but i like it when he spoke.. N my fruity family are really a bunch of lovable n crazy bunch of fruits.. Really missed those times when i would sit n front of the pc and chuckled everytime they do o say sth funny.. he usually requested di yi ge qing cheng (lee hom) when i don't have anything to sing.. teehee!

Bing Bing was somewhat memorable in a sense that I've never had feelings for someone i know online even tho it's just a crush and he was a first, n so far is still the only one. Haha！It sounds stupid but really I miss those times.. I remember i'd sleep late because he's be around still according to UK time and would wake up real early to 'see' him to bed because it would be bed time around 7 in UK.. ahahha! I remembered sending msgs to UK just to chat, calling him twice, to wake him up so that he wont be late for his exam (he requested).. I don't mind tho, my credit always accumulate because i hardly spend them. N plus i get to hear his sexy sleepy voice.. LOL!

He's not engdao like all my other crushes, and i do mind at first, bt then did not anymore after that.. He's a sweet guy, to his friends and now his girl friend too.. Ok, so rich guy can do anything u say.. bt haha.. it's the thought that touched me.. I don't have the privilege of cz to deserve such treatment.. ahahha! I remember he sent bao bei (our fruity gang leader) a teddy all the way from UK to Selangor to comfort her because her daddy passed away and she was so very upset. oh, n i think he find a boutique near his gal's house to send her a bunch of roses on valentines day.. XD.. i dono what other stuff he did for her.. bt i guess they are all nice stuff.. I remember him being a protective guy too.. standing up for his friends n loved ones.. Got really pissed when someone crossed his friends..

well, that was all in form 6.. haha!! now i don't meetoto anymore.. and even if i go in, those fruities aren't around like they used to anymore.. beautiful moments don't last.. but only so would one appreciate it i guess..

I wrote this because I just visited his profile.. Remembered those good old times.. =)

CN.BLUE - Tearsdrop in the rain

Tearsdrop in The Rain
C.N.Blue
No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
Teadrops in the rain

I wish upon a star, I wonder where you are
I wish you're coming back to me again
And everything's the same like it used to be

I see the days go by and still I wonder why
I wonder why it has to be this way
Why can't I have you here just like it used to be

I don't know which way to choose
How can I find a way to go on ?
I don't know if I can go on without you oh

Even if my heart's still beating just for you
I really know you are not feeling like I do
And even if the sun is shining over me
How come I still freeze ?
No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
I shed teardrops in the rain

I wish that I could fly, I wonder what you say
I wish you're flying back to me again
Hope everything's the same like it used to be

I don't know which way to choose
How can I find a way to go on
I don't know if I can go on without you, without you

Even if my heart's still beating just for you
I really know you are not feeling like I do
And even if the sun is shining over me
How come I still freeze ?
No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
I shed teardrops in the rain

Oh... I shed teardrops in the rain
Oh... Hey... Teardrops in the rain

Even if my heart's still beating just for you
I really know you are not feeling like I do
And even if the sun is shining over me
How come I still freeze ?
No one ever sees (no one) no one feels the pain (no one)
I shed teardrops in the rain
Teardrops in the rain
Teardrops in the rain
Teardrops in the rain...

A song that i could nt get out of my head and a face that i could nt get out of my mind~ My craze for Jang Geun Seok is back!! Well I have to admit Jung Yong Hwa did take my breathe away and is definately good looking and has a favourable character (in the drama) but i realise i still somehow like Geun Seok more.. Jeremy is cute too, very~ bt somehow childish in a way.. Cold, on the outside, soft on the inside, i guess that is the reason I still love Geun Seok in everyway like how i loved him in Hwang jin-i, Hong Gil-Dong, Beethoven Virus (bt the drama was way too boring..).. really have to dig all his movies and dramas out.. How come all those guys have killer smiles? I'm sucker for those, so don't ever cincai smile at me if u have a beautiful smile bt u don't wan to have anything to do with me!!!





Without Words – Jang Geun Seok

Hajimal geol geuraesseo moreuncheok haebeorilgeol
Anboineun geotcheoreom bolsueopneun geotcheoreom
Neol aye bojimalgeol geuraetnabwa

Domangchil geol geuraesseo motdeuleuncheok geureolgeol
Deutjido motaneun cheok
Deuleul su eopneun geotcheoreom
Aye ne sarang deutji aneulgeol

Maldo eopsi sarangeul alge hago
Maldo eopsi sarangeul naege jugo
Sumgyeol hanajocha neol damge haenotgo
Ireoke domangganigga

Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul ddeona
Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul beoryeo
Museunmaleul halji damun ibi
Honjaseo nollangeot gata
Maldo eopsi waseo

Wae ireoke apeunji wae jagguman apeunji
Neol bolsu eopdaneungeon
Nega eopdaneungeo malgo
Modu yejeongwa ddokgateungeonde

Maldo eopsi sarangeul alge hago
Maldo eopsi sarangeul naege jugo
Sumgyeol hanajocha neol damge haenotgo
Ireoke domangganigga

Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul ddeona
Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul beoryeo
Museunmaleul halji damun ibi
Honjaseo nollangeot gata

Maldo eopsi nunmuli heulleonaeryeo
Maldo eopsi gaseumi muneojyeoga

Maldo eopneun sarangeul gidarigo
Maldo eopneun sarangeul apahago
Neoksi nagabeoryeo baboga doebeoryeo
Haneulman bogo unigga

Maldo eopsi ibyeoli nareulchaja
Maldo eopsi ibyeoli naegewaseo
Junbido motago neol bonaeyahaneun
Naemami nollangeot gata
Maldo eopsi waseo

Maldo eopsi watdaga
Maldo eopsi ddeonaneun
Jinagan yeolbyeongcheoreom jamsi apeumyeon doenabwa
Jageun hyungteoman namgedoenigga

=============================================================
I shouldn’t have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it

I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place
I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised
It came without a word

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised

Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken
Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me

我想要的。。爱

我想要的，是每次见面不用说太多话。只要知道他在身边陪着，紧紧拥抱着我就好了。我喜欢静静的，不喜欢吵吵闹闹。虽然看见其他情侣每天吵吵闹闹的很可爱，也挺羡慕的。但是，那些事我永远都学不会。对我来说，安静才是一种享受。静静的，感受他的呼吸，他的心跳，他的味道，他在身边那温暖的感觉，会让我无比的快乐。

只可惜，大部分的人所要的不是这个。对他们来说，这样太过无聊，太过平淡。

我想要的，是他不在乎我在他面前傻乎乎的样子。并不是不自在而变得不是自己。现实中的我也本来就是笨笨的，粗心大意，走路没注意。只是，有他在时，不知觉的变得更加糊涂，因为大部分的注意力都放在他身上，满脑也只有他。也因为有人好依赖，所以才会这样。如果真的会开始变得不是自己的时候，那就代表我已经怀疑对方心意有些变化，对自己开始没信心，好像做什么都不对。

只可惜，有多少人肯让一个傻女孩依赖一辈子不埋怨呢？

我想要的，是不管我再怎么差，他都能接受，就像我再怎么不喜欢他的一些小习惯也都接受。谁叫我就是喜欢他。也许，他可以协助我渐渐改进，但我不希望他抱着太大的希望。这样我的压力才不会很大，把事情越弄越糟。

只可惜，很少人做得到。

我想要的，是能照顾我，信赖我，过了十年五十年一百年，到我死为止，都还能像热恋时那样爱我的人。

只可惜，是人的都不到，因为太困难了。

我想要的，看似简单。

只可惜，我想太美了。


*因为华语不太好，所以没能好好表达。上面所写的并没有针对任何人，只是看了欣颖写的‘我其实不喜欢吵吵闹闹，只想和你2个人一起看星星。’，想要写一些自己希望未来的另一半可以做到的事情。*

不懂为什么有时和某某说话舒服但多数上很不耐烦。难道我非常不喜欢没主见的人？还是不喜欢他想说实话却又怕我生气？还是我特别讨厌它充满了才华却一直对自己没信心，老是找别人做肯定的家伙？其实不瞒大家说，我也是这种让人厌烦的女生。可能因为看到自己在他人身上，所以觉得特不舒服的。有时真的很生气，也对他特别的抗拒，真的很莫名其妙。别误会，他不是个坏人。只是，我不明白为何会感到如此。。。

相反的，我非常喜欢像伟荣这样特别有自信，知道自己想要些什么的人。但是像他这样的人，我永远都不会是他想要的。有时候真的很想和他多聊一些。可是，他的答案永远都是那么短，只是回答我所问的。我并不是个特别多话的人，也不是个特别有智慧的女生，看的东西，懂的东西也不多，所以找话题也很辛苦，可是为什么他都不愿意帮帮忙？说真的，他不是傻瓜，难道他不懂我在想什么吗？我已经不想再说我对他的感觉了。过了那么久，那感觉也变得模糊了，虽然还会关心，还会在意，也会吃醋他身边的女生和朋友能为他做的一切，感到特别自卑，但已经不确定真正的感觉是如何。歌唱比赛，看到爱颖为他做的事情，让我感到很惭愧。就算她只是以一朋友的角度对待他，我身为一个说喜欢他关心他的人也彻底的输了吧？想填满那些你我之间的空白格好像真的很辛苦。当时真的心情奇怪。明明成绩揭晓的时候我心里还特别特别的开心，可是一看见爱颖和他的朋友们从上台去和他合照时，更让我深刻的体会我在他的世界里已不存在了。突然整个人感到超失落，连吃我最爱的sushi都好像没感觉。奇怪，这是什么烂感觉啊？不是说好要休息，要停止追求，只是坐在一旁开心的看他自由飞行，看他高兴看他成功的吗？为何还又有一丝的贪念？这烂感觉我没向人体过，因为不会有人懂吧！

很累了，想睡了，晚安。。