!naus el is oad ouz iem .ieb naw iy oah at ib iuh ow ihs af ow !ow iq gnaf uij oaz gnix gniq in gnar iuh gnid iy .oaz naut iy ihs iah ow .gnix ub iah iaz naix ?ow iq gnaf uhc gnad is oay oad iuh uoh in gnar gnen iac gnay om nehz

.evol eyb ,uoy eyb .taht tuohtiw ydaerla fune citehtap leef i .ees ro raeh ot tnaw i tahw tnsi taht zc yrros ro ytip lla leef tndeen uoy os raelc yats ot yrt lliw i .erac ekat .tnaw uoy tahw teg syawla u zc .reh teg ll'uoy .kcul doog !did i fi wonk tndluow uoy !yd hcum os erac annawod ..oail ko yppah ul !ib ib mais !uoy tub enoyna no gnisucof

xiao zhu.. piggy piggy!



shuai ge bao biao.. fren say he is ex burne burne guy.. which is unavailable.. hahaha! nvm.. see nia ma..


sigh.. i dowan sorry, i just want u back. but then it probably wouldnt work out.. ur feelings just isnt the same.. n i have to admit we have too few in common, needless to say common topics.. i dono ur life, i dono ur frens, i have not seen as much as u did.. i always thought that could be overcome as long at our feelings are mutual bt then i know better now not to count on that.. i realise i am not good enuf for u.. just not wad u need.. it's not completely ur fault.. it's just how life works.. not the way we all want..

yesterday didn't have a chance with my computer so i place updates of last night n today here..

went out to ci yun with xy in the morning to photoshoot vesak day's event for my assignment.. not really good the results but better than nothing. meet my ns fo xue teacher and my ns frens.. ah mok who has nvr talked to me b4 in camp but has been talking to me the most the whole morning, and jeffery, but we din talk much this time, and the handsome ah bong!! bong chun lin.. omg.. getting slimmer and even more good looking.. those beautiful eyes.. i wants them.. zzz.. not fair.. all guys have beautiful eyes.. why me girl dun have? but of cz more handsome ma more no talk.. hahah... cz i paisei then siam far far.. ci yun still feels more at home than san sheng.. mayb cz i used to be there all the time in the past n then i have frens there who will actually say hi when they see me.. =)

went out with sha last night at 8 sth to the airport to check when xiao zhu is arriving, turns out his arrival is at 11 pm so we left and went to have a drink before going back to the airport again.. by the time we went back, that is around 10.30 or sth, tons of fans have already filled in n bro told me rachel dragged him there.LOL omg.. waited till our necks stiffen and legs aching because he didnt come out in time because he had to let all other passengers out first before he make his appearance.. a woman from china asked me what all the fuss was about and another non chinese asked april the same questions.. Finally my dear xiao zhu made his appearance at around 11.45 (not too sure)and i shouted my head off altho i oni manage to see his little head.. ==" because i was getting bored with waiting i tot i wouldnt be that high anymore.. i was skipping around an hour ago while waiting ba and then getting all bored with gastric torturing me somemore and looked =.= 5 minutes b4 he appeared. then we raced back to our car the moment he got into his and the stalking begins.. too bad he stayed at four point. the trip was too short.. =( stayed below the hotel in our car for quite sometime and saw him look out of his window.. then satisfied we went home and get enuf rest for the next day..

Sha and her sisters came and fetch me at almost 7 this morning.. @@" then we waited at spring until 945 am then everyone dashes into the mall.. i just quicken my pace, not running because i dowanna fall again.. and this time get trampled by fanatic fans.. LOL! we reached the top.. secured ourselves a good spot.. the crowd getting bigger and ppl are pushing from behind making me nearly going crazy.. because i HATE crowds and i HATE the heat from people and i HATE other people's sweaty arms against my skin.. ==" well, to be honest.. today's event was less exciting than yesterday's altho yesterday's was so very too short, because first the music went wrong (stupid spring's lousy sound system, because the music stops halfway just as xiao zhu was walking out.. ==" sia soi si man~ i mean spring, not xiao zhu~) then then the emcee was pure lame.. ==" made poor xiao zhu so gang ga.. haih.. nooooooooo.. he wont wanna come kuching le la.. sobs T^T

he is so damn cute..

reason why i love xiao zhu so much is not because he sings well, but because there is something about him.. he is great dancer, got a smile that kills, but i really really love him because of his pure confidence, great sense of humour and he really shines on stage.. something i see in wei rong as well.. =)

another good part of this is i get to see a hot bodyguard, mayb not a real bodyguard but then he is in charge of keeping fans at a save distance.. so i call him that.. tall, really really tall, great body, killer smile, friendly.. omg.. sha said he smiled to her.. if he smile to me.. i'd faint! jk.. XD cute wei~~ i dono such piece of great art still exists nowadays in kuching.. but mayb he isnt from kuching.. =( nvm.. getting to see two cute guys in two days is kinda worth it.. sigh, can i has xiao zhu? cant i eats him? can i wants the bodyguard? can i bites him? X3 sot liao! hahahha..

i m not a crazy fan girl type.. i do like certain artist.. xiao zhu one of them.. but then i dont do stalking nor camping outside the mall few hours b4 the event thingy but then with natasha n her funny two elder sisters.. it's some new experience.. mayb next time.. xiao jing teng? ah shin? li sheng jie? wooo!!! ><" hahha! dont really like the waiting part tho.. it gives me gastrics.. ><" got sisters oso quite nice.. can do all those silly girl stuffs boys wouldnt bother to do with u.. sigh.. xian mu liao.. for the first time in life.. I want sisters!! XD

excitement over liao.. nid to get back to reality again.. =(

went out with xy to popular to buy paintbrushes and then go mum mum at jln song.. talked till pass midnight n bro called to bomb me then i realised it's already so late.. hmm.. dont remember ever talking so much.. ><" Got one bumiputra guy, eyes so beautiful, like girls.. if only i have those.. wow! he must have thought i m crazy.. cant help looking at them but then i m just admiring the eyes.. ahahaha!! cz i want them..

tomolo nid to wake up early to take photographs.. for assignment..

i wanna quit fb and get a life instead of just having virtual pets, socialising through the internet, read what everyone is saying, kepo n post of up shits.. what kind of life is this? should be spending time on how get my ass to UK n back with tons of experiences and be independant, to b successful, earn big money, afford a nice comfy house and nice car, able to feed myself n mom n dad, a chow chow and a husky comfortably without needing to make ends meet, in other words, earn more than enuf.. how old are u already? people own a car at the age of 21, but u? almost 21 and u dont even have a bloody diploma.. going all emo nearly every single day over every single little thing that every single person on earth has to go through, taking twice as badly.. humph! think u r hanging around with the 1991s and u'll b as young as them? wake up! u r getting old, n time doesnt wait! but then FB's the only means of contact with frens.. hmmm.. am in a dilemma.. haha! booliaos~~ talking bout craps, i do have tons of shits in my head... how to clear them? i wonder..

hmm.. saw sth and regretted visiting.. but neways it's expected..

take a deep breath, smile and get to sleep. tomolo might not be able to rest. so go sleep.. nights world..

Craps! I really really really hate it!! Hate it when u do that!! actually hmmm nvm.. errmm well nvm... nth.. Hate! Every time i get this from u when what i want is a clear answer. Dont assume i know everything.. because i m not u.. u are certain u know what people thinks but i am not! i might know, what i thought might be true but i want it clear. I hate guessing games.. Bah!

Grrrr... Geram.. Sleep!! dowan do anything liao..!

good luck in ur test then.. =="

OMG!! I've heard of it but have never really seen them! My cousin is so damn cool.. his tattoos are superb.. nope.. i wouldn't wanna bear the pain altho heart did itch to get one.. nono.. I dont mean the tattoos he got.. i mean the tattoos he creates! WOW! pro artist.. I guess u tell him what design u want he can conjure up just anything.. if only i have half his talent, I'll really be so thankful! Pro pro.. his tattoos are so alive.. salutes.. Magic Hand Tattoo Studio.. Name well given for those magic hands.. =) keep up the good work! who says if u dont excel academically u wont earn a living?! i cant get a tattoo.. sobs.. dad will kill me.. n well, with so many nice designs, i wont know which to choose from and u cant change permanent tattoos~~ He's agreed to lemmi photograph the process of his tattoo making.. *nervous*
if only i m not such a noob photography i would have done his work justice by taking great pics.. i'll try my best.. eeks.. i nid to play with my camera again now.. i think i've forgotten everything..

some things need not be rushed said wying. Agree, try force it out and it will stay there not willing to go. some have to be placed far behind at the back of ur head until u have forgotten all about it but only ur subconscious mind know it's there.. everything needs time, i do.. lots.. to get back on my feet, to wipe away the tears, to let the pain fade, to learn to love myself more and to care others who really does care for me.. some things that cannot be erased is to be kept and seen as a lesson learn..

never let the heart rule unless u are damn certain the pain is worth it.. the heart is like Satan while the head is God. Follow ur heart's desires u'll feel that life is more heavenly than heaven, but soon after that you'll be dragged down deep into hell and left to wallow in deep regrets, remorse and pain. Until u stretch out to God for help and learn to stand up, that is when the head helps u to think clear, of wad is right and should be done, which actions are wiser and what crap is to be avoided. Follow ur head is more difficult that following ur heart. Satan's words are more alluring that God's. Your head tells u it's all wrong but your heart will always tell u to give it a shot. Life is more fun and dangerous and challenging like Satan when you follow your heart, but with a high price to pay. Follow ur head, the words of God, life is dull, because it will always be safe and simple, but in the end of the day you wont end up in a pile of messed up shits..

To follow ur head? or ur heart? if u are able to bear the consequences, enjoy what ur heart tells u to do then. But for people like me who have difficulties standing up after a fall, think twice!

ok.. enough of self-invented philosophy.. ><" and get ur ass back to work!

really trying not to care.. but still.. it stings.. ouch! ='(

wound on my knee is so itchy. sign of it going to heal i hope. but then i feel like scratching it!! it's driving me nuts.. Everything is driving me nuts..

Sleep liao.. knt post anything on fb.. later teok killed... ><"

Halo lyrics

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

This song kept playing in my head today.. I did not hear it from anywhere today.. but it just started.. this song.. is kinda like when i just met him, when we are first together.. i did not tell him that tho.. cz it sounds silly.. But it faded away..

She's far better I should say, if my guess isn't wrong. Fun, cute, confident and is forever near him, probably have more in common as well. I, on the other hand, lack all that.. I admit defeat.. As long as he is happy, wish him well.. And for his studies as well..

Would have advised her not to.. but since the info did not come from her but from the guy.. hope she comes to her senses at the right moment. jesus! I'm owes placed into such awkward situations where i have to be careful not to say the wrong things when both sides come n talk to me.. But it's not my business.. just that we are all friends.. n it's sth that could be regretted if it does not work out in the end.. sigh..

Nicky pls! u picked the wrong girl.. steer clear before u get hurt.. i wont have mercy on u.. i'll only know how to bully u.. shoot u.. be frens is fine.. nth more.. so u better not say anything n i'll pretend i dono anything about it..

can it all wait.. will there be time.. I'm deteriorating.. Is there time to get back on my feet and continue to go after what i want most right now? Not giving up nor begging because I've not improved and is getting worse.

Every single obstacles in life can get me so down i don understand why. Everyone would have to face sth of this sort in life but why am i the only taking it so badly.. why other people can be so xiao sha..

I dont understand that.. this isnt my case.. just stating something i just found out.. I've always thought a fren of mine was deeply in love with another fren of mine.. now i found out that he was the one who went after her many years ago n then tell her he don hav feelings anymore and wanted to break. N now, sth i don get is why did he asked her back and then put her in the same position again? ok, ask her back isnt a problem.. what i m annoyed is snatched her from someone else.. which is also a fren and then not cherish her.. grrr.. them ppl from blue class ( lan ban in primary sch) are complicated beings..

we cancer ppl are extra sensitive ppl.. why cant anyone understand.. some showed by getting annoyed and started tantrums, some sulked in a corner quietly, but it's all because we cared too much. caring too much becomes a burden to guys? hope my fren doesnt have to go through wad i have. She told him to stay with her until she could stand on her own n is trying to fix things.. but me.. what did i do? crying and unable to speak all the while when i could at least make an effort to make him stay? ok STOP!

surprised she find me to talk.. poor girl couldnt sleep.. n she doesnt even know about him n me.. i tot the bf have told her.. hmm.. sigh.. but this time i cant help anything except hear. cz i'm not any better in dealing with stuffs. We both work hard together yea..! Am working hard to think that all craps happened so that next moment would look better..

grrr.. really hate it when he does that all the time.. ='(
Angry you! Hng!

F my life, F my luck, F year 2010!!! F everything.. Rotten Rotten ugly year to begin with. First relationship not working like i wanted, then ended, then got busy with semester 2 without an aim or a positive mind, marks rotten,too not up to my expectations, Not doing well with my sch work, no ideas, he is liking some other, i shrewed my right eye, schrewed my right leg again yesterday, my sketches got rejected (but i already expect since i myself dont like it), bandage or sth wad u call that? sha bu.. got stuck on my wound because the blood clot and i have to peel them off together with my remaining skin and some flesh. Went to the doctor's. Another torture session because the last piece of the bandage wouldn't come off n the doctor is 100% rougher than me. Rubbing another wet piece on the dried one and dragging it left right until it came off and then Sprayed my wound which nearly took my life with the pain but all i can do is bite my lips and make a silent squeal. The nurse looks pissed off dono at me or because she's already pissed off.. which did not make my mood any better.. wanted to do my work but too painful and tired so i went to sleep.. mom oni woke me up at 12, for wad reason i dono because i had trouble going back to sleep. so i took some pain killers which did not take effect as fast as i would have liked. smsed desmond tell him that i may not be going to sch. did not reply me. is he annoyed at me? Bah!! I'm really really sorry guys.. I'm not a responsible team mate like i used to be, i'm sorry.

It's not even half a year gone.. what other misfortunes are there in store for me again? Sobs..

Fortunately there are still some good stuff going on, like he still finds me sometimes. If not I would have been doing worse. Dancing. I hope i'll get well and is able to join the flash mob dance. Really! Sobs, don't take the only fun away~

I go poo. Hope will feel better.. ='(

Joycelyn chong?

*smack PS's head real hard* Wake up!! grrr~~~ Assignments and no other stuff pls~~

Am I a weirdo? I always admire or envy people or friends who are naturally owes noticed or in the limelight, getting attention wherever they go, making and hanging around with others easy and leaves impressions on others easily. Yes, it's because well, I am kind of the opposite of that, nearly owes blended so well with the background that people just don't remember ever seeing you around.

No, that's not the weird part yet. Deep inside I really wanted people to notice. No, no, I'm not an attention seeker, at least I think I am not. However, I just wished people would at least noticed and remember for something I've done and is good at. For example take a glimpse at my stuff and remember, 'oo that's the girl who likes to draw cute stuff and is kinda good at it'. But sadly people just don't. I don't leave impression with teachers what more to say people who only met me once. But the sad part is, when there's actually a chance for people to notice me, or when someone called my name and asked me to show my stuff to the rest of the world,instead of jumping up enthusiastically and say,'Yeah, cool!', I get tense and recoiled, wishing hard that people will just look away and that I could just shrink and vanish, keep on shaking my head refusing to go up until all those people who initially look at me with full anticipation looked disappointed and divert their attention on others then I kinda get all upset and disappointed and annoyed at the other part of me who felt relieved.

Why do I get so uneasy with that I wonder. It's really a dilemma when a part of you wants to show people out there, ' This is what I've got. This is what I've done and had spend every effort I have doing it and is now here to impress you guys.' while the other part says, 'No, no, leave me alone, go away, I'm scared. You are making me uneasy. I wish I could just die or evaporate on the spot.' This is sucky! If only I am half as easy going as natasha, mikhael, derrick and lilian, half as confident as desmond, half as disciplined and calm as gaowu, I would have been someone better.

I am also in a dilemma when picking this subject. Why? Well, all I've every like and will put effort into doing is arts. But the design field requires you to be able to talk, promote and sell what you have produced. Now, that's the part I hate. I hate persuading people to like my stuff because to me, if you like buy la, if you don't don't lo. Ok, I get depressed when people don't like what I designed, but all the same, I won't tell them to like it. I am not a people's people as well. I clicked well only with very minimum groups of people that I am very comfortable with. I don't like going to parties or places where lots of people hang around and you just don't really know them at all. I don't take initiatives either. Most of the time, I would like to be just like lilian, seeing someone's mom and just call, " Aunty!" see someone you know and just say, "Hi!" without caring if the mom hears you or not, if she sees you, if she still remembers you, will you sound too rude if you are too loud and so on, or if your friend sees you or still remember you and stuff. It's annoying. I get so tense when I'm at people's house because of that, and his house last time. I saw his mom, I always hesitate because I often like eye contacts before saying something or calling out, but then other people will start calling first and then u ended up being the last one or sounding too soft I doubt she ever hears me. Don't know if she thinks I'm rude. Sigh. Sometimes mouth sweet sweet is essential but I just cant bring myself to do it. And sometimes I wanna care, like when I see people drop something, see a blind walking, yes, I want to go over and help but somehow something is pulling me back and i just stood there stuck, half reaching out half not. I'm always placed in such situations. I see mom or dad on their birthday, or mother's day, father's day but I just cant bring myself to say, Happy birthday, Happy mother's day, or Happy fathers day, I love you. Or say bye dad, when he drop me off, or bie, hugs, love you last time when I was with him when all those I really wanna tell them. I have to actually go home, or hide in the room or when they are out of sight then I would sms them and say,"happy birthday dad, love you!" It's like my jekyll and hyde is equally strong or probably hyde slightly stronger I ended up not doing what I initially wanted to. At the end of the day, I would just hide inside my room and beat myself up real hard for everything. zzzz.. Complicated that I don't know what to do with myself..

Not doing much at all.. Should have been to swinburne and watch the game and all the excitement, at least to get distracted from stupid stupid thoughts that are harmful to me and stunting my ideas. But then no transport. Dowanna mafan mikhael too.. Bah hambug. Life is a load of shits~ Shits! Assignments assignments assignments!! I have no confidence in accomplishing u anymore. Don't come and pile up cz it's killing me. Desmond and the group, I'll be a total disappointment this time. It's all up to you. I'll be a parasite this time.

*If I could just dig my heart out and leave it there to harden before putting it back* That will be nice. I can say and do all I want, not caring how other people feel, nor holding back what is actually felt and express whatever I like without caring what effects it has on other. Do all that my heart desires. Aim for all the impossibles. Eliminate things that got in the way. Not afraid to confront. Say like when i like and say dont when i don't, say ok when i am and not ok when i am NOT! Not getting nervous and or fidgety or panicky and looking like a total idiot in public. NOt letting myself get in the way towards success. Not afraid of challenges, not afraid to get hurt.because I wont be able to feel much any longer. At least, harden it means toughen it up.

Rawr! All the crappy thoughts again. Man!

haih~ syn said hello at fb as usual asking what i am doing. Replied the usual as well because that's what I always do when she asks. Fb and homework. Hmm but this time i asked something extra. Which i find difficult to answer her reply. I said, "How are you? So long didn't see you already. (bad example cz it's kinda broken, shit!)" and she said go my home la. I got stuck there, then replied a 'haha' hoping she wouldn't ask further.. and she said go~ Doesn't feel right anymore, going to his house, unless it's for assignments or under invitation from mikhael which is also weird. But then I just said, "maybe next time. When I am not so busy" Kinda keh kiang a bit in asking too much. T^T"

Disclaimer: Not written to make anyone feel bad. Just a reminder for myself and for those who agreed on what I just said. And just posting my thoughts, and what I've realised or think i do, because some are things I did not know or understand before but probably understand a bit now.

Certain things I did not understand in the past but understand a bit now.

Now I understand why sometimes people just remove the other person from their contact lists, msn and fb once a relationship end or once he found someone new. If left there, u would always go and check out how the person is doing, his current updates, to find that the person is meeting a new one, falling in love all over again, and all his happiness comes from another person, what he talks about what he feels has nothing to do with u anymore. It hurts, unbearable, and sometimes to think that you wouldn’t mind or care and should feel happy for him, a status pops up and u couldn’t help feeling all upset, selfish, jealous and disappointed to find that it was all about another person. It sucks! But still.. I wont do it.. Just saying I realised why some people did that.

Lesson learnt and to do in the future regarding a relationship. 1st, don’t let any dude walk into your heart just like that. If he does, don’t let everything move so quickly. 2nd, start from being friends, get use to having him around and know him more. 3rd, make sure he can really accept everything about you, good or bad, before jumping into a relationship. 4th, if you do really like him, no matter what, before a relationship just put in a 20%. 5th, if in a relationship, don’t put in a 100%. He could love you this minute but not the next. It’s not his fault, nor yours. It’s just that you don’t know his feelings could change and he doesn’t know his could change too. So don’t ever forget that time and situations could change a person’s feelings and be stupid enough to go blind and give him everything only to regret certain things when the dream is over. Some things cannot be taken back or erased. 6th, don’t make it too easy for him. Some guys just like challenges. You do everything he says, pay 100% attention to him, try so hard to please him, his flames will fade in a sec. Trust me. Because everything got Easy people tend to get Uneasy. He needn’t have to please you because you don’t get mad at him. He needn’t have to try to apologize or fix things because you don’t start an argument. He needn’t have to persuade you to go and see him because he knows you would appear at his doorstep whether he feels like seeing you or not. He needn’t have to try and fulfill your wishes because you don’t ask. He needn’t have to try and change because you are OK with whatever he is. Yes, anyone would get bored with u in no time. Human just like challenges to grow and learn. You are not helping with that. Ok.. maybe not all are true.. but =/ i dono..

This is crazy, not feeling all too good again.. *breathe deeply* hope this post doesn't actually cause anything.. Just needed somewhere to get all these crap out of my head..

There's always a thought that keeps coming through my mind. It's not purposely done but yea, it occasionally pops up. 'What if the doctor says u have not much time left?What would u do?'

Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do or where to start. But if it is the 3rd or final stage, not much hope, I wouldn't waste my time undergoing painful chemotherapy sessions in the hospital. I have tons of unaccomplished dreams. 1st, to study abroad, preferably UK. 2nd, earn lotsa money to afford a house and a car and a doggy or two (Big dreams, but cant just count on a guy to get u those, cz u might not find one). 3rd, get married? I said I wouldn't wanna get married when I was real small. But I take that back. I can't possibly live alone without another person there to love or love me in return, especially not after I've felt it once. But I'm not all that confident with a guy now. Well, another thing is, it would be a pity to not get into the world's most beautiful dress for once in your life. Yes! A wedding dress. BUT how are u going to accomplish all these within a few short months? Ah well, the 3rd is definately inpossible, so is the 2nd. U wouldnt be getting married if u are going to die nor waste ur money buying a house which u have not much chance to live in.

One thing is for sure, one reason why i wouldn't waste time undergoing chemo is to use more of the time going outside and spend more time with people i love, regardless family, friends or that particular person and not looking all pale ugly and in pain which would affect their moods or let them pity me.

For those who care, don't get so alarmed. I'm not undergoing any life threatening situations. I m just posting my thoughts. It's not the first time i think about it. 2 family members had passed away due to cancer, a lot of other people around us, mom n dad's colleagues, and with my bloody lifestyle now which i find it so hard to change because I feel more productive late at night. Desmond said I must try to change. He got annoyed when he said I should try sleep at 2 and i went to bed at 3. He wished me luck for escaping the fatal fate with my lifestyle now. eek!

It's mother's day today, why am I all EMO?? ==" I se bak jiam after i cried a little few days ago n wiped my eyes with uncleaned hand or mayb because of blocked pores. It happened a few times because of that already. Or maybe because of the weather n did not drink enough water. hmm~ Anyways, mom made liang teh for me today, which I am very grateful for. Thanks a lot mom! Love ya! ^^

great! crap! wad have u done, PS? why on earth do u always need answers? Now, not only u did not get things clear, u feel hurt n bad, n then make that person feel hurt. for wad? Why cant u ever live without wanting answers. Do u really have to know? Why on earth do u have to be like this. Pro at making ppl suffer. Aaarghh! crap!

Is he in love with someone else?
I dowanna think about it. but still.. i would wanna know.. even if it would tear me apart.