A better way of seeing things...

Yesterday, Ah wei and I had a chat. And he had been straight. It took me kinda long to figure out what he meant. It's true for the past days, I've been utterly bitter, letting self pity and selfishness overwhelm me and not thinking how he would feel instead. What I did was wrong. It's kinda late to finally realize, for some damages are done. I over reacted and kinda bombard him with insensible questions. I couldn't think straight. I shouldn't be thinking about how much pain the breakup caused me. It should be what he taught me, the love and care he gave me, lessons to be learned from past mistakes made during the time we were together that I should remember and treasure. He's probably one of the people who gave me my happiest moment but Instead of saying thank you, I made someone who taught me so much miserable. I did lose someone important, but I somewhat gained more from this. Motivations for a change, for improvement I gained from him and I realized even after it ended, they did not falter. Cant wait to come home to fill in stuffs I've finally think through, but stumble across his blog first. It stings to read what he wrote, but only because I know he's been very right about my attitude. He did make a big effort, trying to ease things for me, breaking up the proper way, hoping no hard feelings stood in our way for possible friendship in the future.

I finally get to fall asleep last night. Though I had vivid nightmares the whole time and woke up when my alarm rang. With blood and zombies and people living in fear. When I woke up, I wasn't sure that I was awake or still in the dream because the house was dark and quiet. It shocked me to even see the gate left wide open. Then it dawned on me that bro is starting school today and probably forgot the press the remote thus leaving the gate open. I got ready, slightly late for school, and on the way I had been thinking about the me of the past few days and how I made things difficult for people who care, for him who still cares. I felt different this morning. Not so heavy or stuffy were the emotions welling in my chest anymore, though tired because of the "too eventful" dream I had. I do still wish he were with me but then the fact remained. I don't know how much things could be fixed and I wish I hadn't been that way last night, or all the previous nights before. I got a much more positive view about all that has happened now. I will still miss you though. And I do really wish if there are hard feelings that I caused, they would fade away. Losing u as an important part of me is bad, losing you as a friend would be a greater loss.

Hope you would still come and visit sometimes. I ma be updating on my life in campus. =)