I stared at the cherry blossom I held in my hands without knowing what I was holding for a few times yesterday as my mind wandered back to the conversation we had the previous night. After a few seconds, I snapped back to reality and proceeded my work. The branches look fantastic that I felt like bringing one bunch home for this coming Chinese New Year. Ah, The blossoms are beautiful, but not Chinese New Year. Geez.. Thinking of CNY really got my mood down again.. ZZZzzz~ But overall today was busy and busy is good and I'm actually enjoying some friendly company instead of just dear old Vippie here at home. Bro is just too busy manga-ing and maple-ing after he finished his summer sem. Wasn't really talking to me unless he's eating or wanting to use my Vippie. And I got bored of butt-bumping his chair to get some attention cause he would just shout "boh kah si" then proceed with his manga thingy~ =.="

Throat was dry, and hands and legs felt cold and numb as I read what he wrote as he typed on but it was only after I went to bed that real emotions started to envelop me. I felt like crying yet tears just welled slightly in my eyes and stopped and started again as memories of the unforgettable first month we had until how things got kinda unfavourable flashed by. I hate it when it's just so hard to just cry when I really want to. Why can't I be more emotional like Natasha or Lilian? Sometimes, it sucks to have all the feelings cooped inside yet unable to let them out. However tears did fall long after all the flashbacks but it was only for a while. I think I fell asleep after that.

Placed teddy in the cupboard for he is no longer able to comfort me to sleep for quite some time. Rather than putting him beside me and get it all dirty and smelly, I decided, after much thought and reluctance, to keep him somewhere cleaner. Haha! I still love dear teddy and I miss him already. Wonder if he likes his new place. It's a bit crowded but I think it's better than me crushing him with my tight hugs and head or ending up on the floor because I drop him without realizing it. I would grope and feel around my bed for him few times a night only to find poor teddy on the floor. I could do without teddy for the time being I guess, but I don't know how long it will last before I tear open the closet door and take him out once again. I've never sleep without teddy, puppy or dolphin or the many many bodyguards I have or used to have so this might be a new challenge. Hope I'm strong enough. Feel like taking him out to have a look at his stupid yet cute and forever smiling face right now but I'll bear with it for now. Sigh~~ Teddy, mommy misses you already~ T^T